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| since my last post, at least according to livejournal. so let me catch everyone up, even though you might not care so much lol.
first of all, the beautiful boy i talked about in my last post is now my boyfriend and it was actually our one month yesterday :] haha so thats good.
well lets see, weight has been pretty much at 110 for forever now, and i think its time to bring that average waaaaay down. i was in costa rica for two weeks and gained 5 lbs, putting me at 115, but i've basically brought it back down to the usual. still, i think its time to go down to about 105 at LEAST, if not 100, but i try to be realistic with myself and i know i dont have that much self control. oh and also, i just purged for the first time in quite a while, so hopefully i can get back into the routine. (its sick isn't it? wanting this so badly when there are people out there who just wish for health...)
anyways, step 1 was becoming a vegetarian, check.
step 2? stop drinking diet coke! or any soda! hmm, hopefully check lol
step 3? avoid purging, just dont eat in the first place! (less messy, tastes better, etc haha)
step 4? stop eating so much junk!
step 5? dont get caught!! :] sneeeeaky.
haha anyone have any words of thinspiration? or pictures? or diets? secrets, tips anything? or just wanna talk? idk, feel freeeeeeee! :D thanks guys! think thiiiiiiiiin and have a wonderful day<33 | |
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| great day!!
i've eaten one m&m a bite of salad, picked TINY bit at a burrito and likek two chips. and lots of water. and lots of dancing!
and i saw the beautiful boy i have the BIGGEST crush on! i'm feeling good. :]
minus my ex, who can't get over it. and keeps ruiining things, but i really don't care! :D | |
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| ew, i'm a fatass. i deserve to die due to my total lack of self control.
i hate days when you start out sooo strong and determined, and then get fucking food like shoved in your face!! uggggh, tomorrow will be a better day! and the boy i like has been flirting with me. :] which is the only good thing of my day. | |
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| watch thinspo videos on youtube.
i NEED some thinspo, badly.
H 5'4"
LW 107
HW 120
CW 110
GW 85
need to work HARDER!!
PS anyone who needs a fasting buddy or has any good ideas or just wants to talk or ANYTHING, please comment me back. i'm incredibly depressed and determined right now. :/ | |
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| it's like national 'get fat' day. :[ effffff it makes me wanna cry. major binge and purge day, obviously. but luckily now that i'm a "veg-head" i usually don't feel so guilty which is so helpful.
k so what i ate today:
mashed potatoes
green beans
tofurkey
pumpkin pie
cheesecake
some truffles
thats basically all, but i purged up just about all of it. i feel so guilty with my family when i do that, but i can't help it i guess. :[ and now NO ONE knows about my behavior anymore so i have no one to talk to except on here. so pleeeeeeease talk to me? i need it.
also, PLEASE send me your biggest thinspo, because no matter what, i can no longer ever find the motivation to stop eating. that's all i want. :[ i feel like it's so much better and more effective than purging. ugh so please send pics!! thanks. :]
love you all girls, happy thanksgiving, and THINK THIN. | |
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| of some really good thinspo.
something i can just stare at all dday and when i get hungry... i just need SOMETHING to keep me going. i ate an insane amount today... yogurt for breakfast, then curly fries from jack in the crack (disguisting) then spanikopita and hummus at my big fat greek restaurant. and the urge to purge was unreal, but i was with my best friend and she knows everything about how i used to be so i couldn't do anything cuz everytime i went to the bathroom, she did to. :/ i'm so frustrated. help me.
i'm going for water and vinegar all day tomorrow. wishe me luck... :]
night, love you all and THINK THIN.
PS send me some serious thinspo!! | |
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| wow it's been a long time since i've been on. about 8 weeks according to this thing. well, the reason for this is that since school started and the whole thing with my best friend happened i've been trying to "kick the habit" ha if that even makes sense. and i've been doing wonderful. i've even become a vegetarian! and i haven't purged for nearly two months... a near recovery right?
only thing is tonight, after a dinner of curly fries and diet coke, i got that old urge, you know when you feel like no matter what you can't hold it down? and lately i've been really good at staying occupied until it passes, but tonight the tempation was too strong and got the best of me. i purged.
part of me is very disappointed, part relieved, and sadly, part of me is soo so excited to get back in the habit of barfing up everything it eat... i'm scared, but so happy at the same time, and it's such a mixed feeling.
i'm currently 5'4" and weight 115 lbs. hopefully i can reach 110 pretty quickly, but as much as i would like tobelieve it would, i know i won't stop when i reach that goal. past experience has taught me that this is not just a habit that comes with a patch or a pill, it becomes a way of life. although it's exciting, i'm so very scared.
but i really don't want to stop again, it's like a relapse. idk how to explain it, but anyways i just thought i would share! and i'm glad to be back with all my supportive, skinny girls. :D
think thin, lil babies. love you! - Mood:confused
- Music:The Format
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| k so i hadn't purged yet since my last bulletin until tonight. that's the first time in over 3 weeks, and i'm really excited, yet scared. i want to get off more weight, so i'll probably start fasting again, and hopefully do as well as i did for a while over summer. and im thinking i'll probably get back into the mia swing of things pretty quick haha. but i'm acually really happy this is happening, except for the fact that i have to be more secretive than ever now, which worries me. anyways, school in the morning, and it's 11 pm so i'm gonna go take a shower and go to bed. just wanted to do a quick update before then. please help me and leave me something if you wanna be fasting buddies please! night. love all of you skinny girls.
THINK THIN. <33 | |
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| k so wow, i haven't written in two weeks. i also haven't purged in 2 weeks, and barely restricted. it was kind of a half assed self recovery, but screw that. i am so horridly behind on any of my goals. i was down to a minimum of like 107 over summer on some days, but now i'm back up to an average of 113. so at the moment, my stw is like probably 110ish, and long term of course is below 95.
idk how i'm gonna do this. i terrible at restricting, and purging doesn't seem to do much. i need some tips. :/
andd now i feel like the biggest traitor because i promised both of my best friendss [one of which is in treatment for severe anorexia...] that if it got this way again i would tell them. and normally i would tell one of them [the one w/e an ED] but now i know i cant even tell her because they will force me into treatment. and it's not like my ED is even severe... god i hate this though! but i have to get this weight off somehow. :[
please help me with some tips and support, idk anything positive. just anything you think will help me do this without feeling so guilty.
k well now i'm maybe gonna go purge for the first time in over 2 weeks actually, but i'm not sure yet. i have to ease back into this because now i have a massive consience issue with it... HELP. k bye loves, ill try to update again tomorrow. | |
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| k well i couldn't do a total fast today cuz i went to the mall with my friend and he kinda knows about my weight issue thing. so i had a burrito at chipotle. i think it was about 900 cals after everything. plus one red lobster biscuit from yesterday and a lot of diet coke. it was terrible... and school starts monday. and tomorrow will be impossible cuz my best friend comes home after about a month of not seeing her and she knows aabout my purging. if she sees me fasting she'll prolly freak out.
she told me once, she was like "if this ever got out of control, i would tell your parents. i care too much about you, even if you weren't my friend anymore, i would wanna save your life." it scared me... alot. cuz i know now that it's gotten alot more out of control than it was back then. so now i'm even hiding it from my very best friend... i hate feeling like this! but i have to go, my other friend is almost here. i'll update again later...
NO EATING FOR A LOOOONG TIME?! :(
think thin boys and girls. <33 | |
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